Getting out of the Trenches

Remember that one time that you fully expected yourself to give 100% of yourself to every single person in your life and if you weren't well then you probably aren't doing something right? Have you ever been there? Or are you like me and feel like you might be giving 25% of yourself to the 4 people in your house and that is on a good day? Someone asked me how things were going with three and this was my exact quote...half kidding but you know how it goes.
" When I had two kids I felt like a really good mom. With three I feel maybe mediocre at best most days. "
This overflows into my marriage, my friendships, my church life and what is likely most of the problem, my spiritual life.
Well God and I had a bit of a coming to Jesus this week, and funny thing is, I keep trying to do this whole thing, this life thing on my own. By putting as much pressure on myself as I have been to be the perfect mom, wife, volunteer, and now Owen's PT and OT I have lost my way. And you know what  God is telling me...you cannot keep doing this on your own! He did not give me the kids I have and the husband I am Blessed with and the friendships he has formed for no reason. This life is a puzzle and and intermingling of relationships that either help or hinder me. I know that I have lost connections with a lot of people in my life since Owen has been born and to be honest it is not intentional. I still hate to rely on people and I feel like a burden even to those I love sometimes but it has only just recently occurred to me that maybe I am being a blessing to those around me without even knowing it. Maybe I have drifted so far away from who I thought I was and who I really am that Satan has distorted my perspective. Made me feel not like a child of God anymore but a drag to those around me.
Well shove it Satan! I have one life on this earth and it better mean something!
Each and every day  I will get up and do my best, I can't do more and I should for sure not doing less. I will have the mindset that my kids are not disappointed in me. That the friends that are true friends will understand if I fall off the grid for a while to find a new normal and focus on my family. That the places I volunteer for will get it if I need a bit of a break for a while.
I am bringing it back to the basics...God and Family. I know things will begin to fall back into place eventually and I won't feel like I am being pulled in so many directions, or maybe it won't. Either way I am going to be ok, not on my own for sure, but it takes a village right?
And now here are some recent pics....

I'm not tired, I'm weary!

If you start to feel a breeze while reading this don't panic! It's just me venting up a storm.
I told Mike to tonight I was weary to which he logically responded, why don't you go to bed then? In which I struck back with, I'm not tired, I am weary. I used to think these two were the same as well. They go hand in hand right? Not to me, at least not anymore.
Tired to me means lack of sleep, slight fatigue etc. Weary, my friends, is a whole nother level.
I am spent, at the end of my rope, burning the candle at both ends. You get the picture.
I am losing it with my kids, my husband sometimes strangers that might cross my path in the car or in line somewhere (though not yelling, just fuming on the inside. ) My family is walking on egg shells around me, yeah makes me feel even crappier writing it.
I try, oh how I try to lay in bed every morning and pray, God today please give me the patience and grace to get through this day. Give me the words and actions that please you and give you the glory. Why then do I feel like most days my world is spinning off it's axis? Like I am one more whine out of my children's mouths before I snap? And better yet, why the whining? Do I need to take them somewhere and show them how much they really have? I had the thought this week...what are we doing? How are they turning into these little people that want and want and want? And then I feel like I am failing. They should not be this way. This is not how God expects me to raise my children. But how do I change this?! I am weary!!!!
I walked around Target trying to come  up with some ideas I can give people to give to them for Christmas and you know what I came up with? They have enough, we have enough and then some!
I am weary of this world. I crave my Savior and perfection and the love of my Heavenly Father and I am striving for it. I am weary of trying to find the time and struggling to do it.
And now I sit here annoyed with myself because I have such  an amazing life and all these great things and I still feel so very weary.
So no I am not tired. I am weary of life at the moment and honestly  I wish I could get out of this slump but I am struggling. There I put it out there. Welcome to my open book. Praying the next chapter is a little more uplifting!

We Stepped up for Down syndrome!

So this past Saturday we participated in our local Step up for Down syndrome walk. It was held at Millenium Park, which is beautiful by the way. Friends and family joined us and we raised $2700! Mike's company matched all donations from other employees and that alone raised $1200, yay Charter!
Saturday morning as I was getting  Owen dressed and he laid on the floor giggling every time I said Mama to him I got a little teary. 6 months ago I would have never guessed that I would be as excited as I was to go to this walk. I have know about this walk for years and thought what a nice way to raise some money and take a little stroll. My eyes were really opened on Saturday. I have never felt uncomfortable around someone with Down syndrome and to me Owen is just a baby. Saturday as we got out of the car and began walking to the registration table I could not stop smiling. You see this walk is not just for young families with small kids. It is for people with Down syndrome of all ages. It is not like a lot of other walks that is raising money for a cure, we don't want a cure. It is a complete celebration of the culture that is the Down syndrome community. There were babies all the way up to adults with Down syndrome. Their friends and families were there to celebrate the individuals they are and how amazing their lives can be!

 I have to say my favorite part was the dancing. There was a dance company that came and those people were so focused and fun with their moves. There was a kid that was standing near where we were that was feeling every single beat of the music without embarrassment that people were watching. He was egging people on to join in and dance. I want to be that way! I am so excited for next year when Owen is a little older and he can join in by clapping.
All in all it was a wonderful day and the only down side was that Paige was sick so my mom graciously stayed home with her. Next year!
Thank you again for all of your love and support and if you want, join us next year!!!

Just a Boy

Let me start by saying that I don't want this post to come across as braggy or in your face. Honestly, that is the last thing I want this post to feel like. I said to Mike right off the bat when Owen was born that every baby is a miracle but to have a baby that has an extra chromosome and be a happy and healthy baby blows my mind. Technically Owen is not perfect, according to science that is. Yet I look at him every day and am so thankful for him and his diagnosis. Alright moving on...
We had an appointment with Dr. Dodge this morning. She is a pediatric development specialist. She is amazing!! You can tell right away that she has a passion for her work and  loves kids. She talked to Owen and picked him up and made him laugh and talk, it was so cute. She checked him out, all the regular stuff that they do at a well child exam and then checked his fine and gross motor skills. He was a champ. There were some concerns before from our PT about some head flatness, she says he has a beautiful head and would not mess with it. He still has clogged tear ducts, people ask us if he has been crying sometimes. If those don't clear up after his first birthday we will talk about getting them taken care of. Talked about what blood tests she thinks we should have done. Just his thyroid. And between now and when he is one he needs to see a pediatric optometrist, no biggy. So THAT WAS IT! Seriously, I went to this appointment thinking this would lead to many more appointments, but that was it. I asked her what else we needed to know and these were her exact words..."Owen is the poster child for a healthy kid with Down syndrome." He has always been just a boy to me, just my boy. But today I had an expert tell me I could breathe for the moment. 
This morning Paige was asking me about what if the thunder got louder, what if the lightening touched our house and so on and so forth. I drew back on what my dad used to say over and over again. We don't live our lives on what if. 
I feel like for the past month before this appointment I have lived a little bit of the what if attitude. And I know there probably will be some things that come up in Owen's health. But I state again, we do not our lives on what ifs.
Here is a little stat attack for you too...
At 6 months Owen weighs 17 lbs. 5 oz. and is 26 inches long. He is on track with most things and a little behind with a few others. We thank God every day for all three of our kids and their healthy bodies and minds and cannot wait to see what God has in store for them!

Life with the O-Man

So squishy!

How cute is this kid?! Ahhhh, I wish you could pick him up through your computer screen. Before I go any further with this post let me say I had a bit of a down day. I watch my little buddy trying his very hardest to do the things he is supposed to be doing in therapy sessions with me at home, and he gets frustrated and then I get sad and frustrated and then just kinda down. Thanks to some amazing people in my life, I was lifted up and remembered that he is first my baby, no matter what! He will do the things he needs to do in good time but for now I am will sit back, rock and breathe in the beautiful gift of my baby boy. And now my list of things I already celebrate about Down syndrome....

• Squishy (really this kid is so soft and squishy!)
• Cuddly, hope this lasts.
• His profile, it was the first indicator that I saw in the operating room of his diagnosis and I have totally fallen in love with it. His little nose is the best.
• The fact that he is already proving stereotypes wrong. When we left the hospital they made sure to tell us that we needed to remember to stimulate him because kids with Down syndrome tend to be left in a bouncy or swing for long periods of time since they don't fuss too much. Paaalllleeeeaaaasssseee! This kid is completely fiesty. Hope that sticks around too.
• And one of the the biggest things I celebrate is this amazing community of people that I have met. The moms, the kids, the therapists! All amazing and all part of this wonderful culture that is Down syndrome.

Cannot wait to see what is in store for our little guy!

My Baby!

Today was Paige's orientation day for kindergarten! How did that happen. Paige and I had a rough start from my labor with her to my postpartum depression. Let's just say I haven't always felt a super close bond with her and sometimes it makes me feel guilty. We are more alike than different and butt heads a lot. She is the epitome of a daddys girl but still whines if it is not my night to tuck her in and lay by her. There are many days I feel like I fail her, like the boys get more attention than she does from me because honestly they are not nearly as independent and she is. Alright enough rambling...She is off to spread her wings. We are both ready. However I know that first day that she is gone all day and not here for lunch and quiet time on the couch and all the random moments that I so take for granted, I will cry. I will sit and cry because she, well they, all three of them, are my job. They are what my world revolves around. So spread your wings sweet girl, show them whatcha got, be kind and don't let people walk all over you. ( not that I'm worried about that ;) )

All the married ladies!

Let me preface this post with this. My house is a complete disaster and I am loving it, you will find out why in a moment. Let me also state that Mike is on a man weekend with his boyfriends.
So Mike left Friday morning to go to a cabin with his friends from church and he will be coming home tomorrow sometime. This has become an annual event. So this year I got the wonderful idea that I knew by Saturday night I might be at my whits end and maybe I wasn't the only one. Ding ding ding, let's all go off the deep end together. So we had a mom, kids, pizza and wine party. Amazing! Not only did our kids want a little mix in their weekend but I think the moms needed to sit and have a little vent as well. We were not husband bashing, too much, I promise. As we talked about the guys weekend I began to think and this is the question I pose....
Why is it so hard for us as women to take time to ourselves and bond with other women away from our kids? And if it is not hard for you and you don't feel a pinch of guilt please feel free to comment on this post and fill me in. :)
Seriously, do we feel like we are the only ones who can run our household and take care of our kids? Am I the only one who feels that way? Seriously I have gotten better, but when Paige was a baby I would leave Mike a list of what Paige needed and when. What I should have done was let him feel his way through it, stop being a control freak. Right now part of my issue is that  I am still nursing Owen and that is a huge tether to home. But as we were talking tonight, us ladies, we decided we just need to do it. And honestly I don't think our husbands would mind. Well maybe they would but you know what? They can have a dads, kids, pizza and beer party and sit back and look at a very messy house with a smile on their face.
In closing I will put it out there, I never edit my posts, this is more like an online journal. Please excuse the randomness!!