Socially Awkward

Truth or Dare? How about a little of both? Truth, I feel socially awkward a lot! If you know me personally and well you would look at me right now and laugh in  my face. As much as I am a self admitted extrovert I feel so introverted sometimes. Shall I start at the beginning of what is my introverted self? Here we go...
Twinhood, if you are one, you might possibly get this. I lived with what turned out to be one of my best friends since birth, well even before. :) I joked at her wedding that we were wombmates, you know the womb, yeah cheesy I know. Anyway so moving on, think back to a time in your childhood when you wanted to run outside and play with your friends, you were sick of your siblings and bored and what not and you ran to your mom and asked if you could go out and play with your friends. Now picture this, your best friend lived in the room next to yours. You didn't feel that huge need to go out and play because your very best playmate was already there. Laura and I actually repeated preschool partly so we could socialize with other kids. Funny, right? If you know both of us even remotely you will know that for the most part we are polar opposites on so many levels but we mesh. Add in that my other still best friend, older sister Jacquie also was there and we honestly did not have an issue as we got older and got our own cars and what not, to sit at home on a Saturday night and watch a movie together. And later, maybe go out and do some things that might not have been the smartest. :) Jacquie and me, not Laura.
Another truth, I talk too much. I like to call it diarrhea of the mouth? There are many times that I talk because sometimes a silence seems to be too much. I need to seriously learn to work on my listening skills. I feel like this is part of the awkward part. I literally tell myself as I am talking, just shut up Amy. And sometimes I wonder if my talking is a gift and I just need to curb it a bit. Wow, even now I feel like I am just talking to talk...moving on.
And the last truth of the evening, I feel like my house is in a constant state of crazy. Like toys and dishes and laundry and more toys. I honestly did not grow up in a home like this, to be honest it was probably the complete opposite. In the past 2 years I have decided that as important as I think it is to teach our kids to take care of their crap, and trust me I do work on this as much as I hate it sometimes; I would rather play with my kids. Since Owen has been on the scene it has been especially important to me that I spend the time he is sleeping spending quality time with Paige and Blake. How long are they really at an age they still want to cuddle in the morning and play ball in the yard and want me to jump on the trampoline or sit in the kiddy pool? Not long! So yes, I am teaching them to take care of stuff and Mike is actually better at this than I am, but if you come to my house and it looks like a hot mess please take a breathe and hope it doesn't smell like a poppy diaper that might have been sitting there overnight.
I am reading the book Bittersweet by Shawna Niequist and it feels like a hug to my heart, here is a quote from her book about friends and a clean house. In fact the whole section of this book talks about your home team. Not spreading yourself too thin, keeping your time and energy at a good level to give to that home team around you. Highly recommend the book by the way.
"One way you can tell if someone's on your home team is if you'll let them walk right into your house without picking up dirty dishes and checking your hair before they get there."

Dare! I will stop talking, I will let God's spirit give me the right words even in the most mundane conversation. I will pray that I can accept the gift of gab from my Savior. Maybe someone else sees it as my spiritual gift as well, if not....oh well. I will stop worrying that if I don't make friends with every new neighbor, mom of a kid, wife of a coworker or random connection, that's ok. I am always open to these relationships but need to train myself not to spread myself so thin that I feel that I am not taking quality time with people who are already part of my life. If you are reading this please know that I am valuing all the new connections that I have made in the past 6 months though! Some are stronger than others and that's ok!