So why did I suddenly begin to remember this sting? Because in the past month or so I have begun to feel that sting, not on my skin but in my heart. I sit and think I just need to grow some thicker skin or put things in perspective, you know the scheme of eternity? However in the past month or so there have been some comments that people have said which I will not go into completely but in reference to how Owen is progressing with his development. Let me preface my next sting story with a common misconception about children with Down syndrome. When Owen was born and we were told that he would have developmental delays I thought, big deal, Blake was so relaxed that he didn't walk until he was at least 20 months. I actually thought well Owen is my third this will be kinda sweet to have a "baby" a bit longer. As time has gone on I have come to realize that Owen is not just delayed but his cute little body doesn't have the same instincts that typical babies do as far as wanting and knowing how to move their bodies. Whereas a typical baby would instinctively know how to work their body to sit and get on all fours and crawl, Owen just simply does not. I am coming to terms with this, however it is a sting to me. I hate sometimes that he has to work his butt off and we have to show him like 1000 times how things should be done.
Moving on and please read this with a grain of salt as my emotions about this have been raw as of late. I am watching babies that are significantly younger than Owen surpass his physical development. I am not just talking about babies of family and friends, I am talking about walking into the mall and seeing the 10 month or so baby crawling and pulling themselves to standing at the plat place. I am seeing this and I pray that all of a sudden Owen will want and be able to sit on his own. I know it is going to happen. I know people think it is really nice that Owen is staying a "baby" just a little longer than most. But let me be transparent here and say this. He doesn't want to be a "baby". He is so frustrated with his body. We are frustrated for him. I have a daughter right now that is feeling that she wishes he wasn't around and to be honest I get where she is coming from. He is the highest maintenance baby we have had which wouldn't be a big deal if he was a first born and I had more time but I just don't. I am so thankful that each of our kids feels that our home is a safe place to share their feelings without judgement or fear that they will be shut down. Owen can be a happy baby. He generally is if he is being held and entertained. However lately he has not been and part of that has to do with the fact that he doesn't want to be a "baby" any longer.
So there is my vent. It might not be pretty and I am sure not everyone will understand it as I know that things for our family could be so much worse. Please be aware that I know that full well. But as we continue to venture down this road I know that we will have highs and lows and milestones when they are meant to happen, but right now we are in a low and that's ok too.
