Getting out of the Trenches

Remember that one time that you fully expected yourself to give 100% of yourself to every single person in your life and if you weren't well then you probably aren't doing something right? Have you ever been there? Or are you like me and feel like you might be giving 25% of yourself to the 4 people in your house and that is on a good day? Someone asked me how things were going with three and this was my exact quote...half kidding but you know how it goes.
" When I had two kids I felt like a really good mom. With three I feel maybe mediocre at best most days. "
This overflows into my marriage, my friendships, my church life and what is likely most of the problem, my spiritual life.
Well God and I had a bit of a coming to Jesus this week, and funny thing is, I keep trying to do this whole thing, this life thing on my own. By putting as much pressure on myself as I have been to be the perfect mom, wife, volunteer, and now Owen's PT and OT I have lost my way. And you know what  God is telling me...you cannot keep doing this on your own! He did not give me the kids I have and the husband I am Blessed with and the friendships he has formed for no reason. This life is a puzzle and and intermingling of relationships that either help or hinder me. I know that I have lost connections with a lot of people in my life since Owen has been born and to be honest it is not intentional. I still hate to rely on people and I feel like a burden even to those I love sometimes but it has only just recently occurred to me that maybe I am being a blessing to those around me without even knowing it. Maybe I have drifted so far away from who I thought I was and who I really am that Satan has distorted my perspective. Made me feel not like a child of God anymore but a drag to those around me.
Well shove it Satan! I have one life on this earth and it better mean something!
Each and every day  I will get up and do my best, I can't do more and I should for sure not doing less. I will have the mindset that my kids are not disappointed in me. That the friends that are true friends will understand if I fall off the grid for a while to find a new normal and focus on my family. That the places I volunteer for will get it if I need a bit of a break for a while.
I am bringing it back to the basics...God and Family. I know things will begin to fall back into place eventually and I won't feel like I am being pulled in so many directions, or maybe it won't. Either way I am going to be ok, not on my own for sure, but it takes a village right?
And now here are some recent pics....