Life lessons....

Some days around here are harder than others. It's like that for everyone right? Of course. Life is full of up and downs and a whole array of emotions. Life has taught me to feel all of them, the euphoric happiness and the gut wrenching sadness, and everything in between.

Life is teaching me lots of lessons.

A couple of weeks ago I went out for dinner and drinks with a long time friend who I hadn't seen in awhile. As we sat across the table from one another and reminisced about our “glory” days of high school. Who we dated, the things we did even when we knew we shouldn't have, senior camping and parties we went to. The things we thought would make or break us back then, because when you are 17 you feel like almost every situation will make or break you right? We came to the realization that although our parents lovingly sent us to private Christian school and we were to see all of the kiss we went to school with as Gods children, well we were shallow back then. We weren't always nice and we sometimes put others down to build up our own egos. Because again, when you are a girl in high school there doesn't seem to be anything more important than yourself and how other people perceive you. I mean how people saw us was how we perceived ourselves really. We partied and did the stupid things because we wanted to but also because we were too insecure to admit that maybe we were hurting or missing something.

This brings me to today. What life is teaching me. Some days I wake up and I forget for about the first five minutes what life has thrown my way. I forget that almost four years ago the dream I had of a typical third child was pulled out from under me. That although it doesn't feel like it while I am in it, when I sit back I realize, it is more work to have a child with special needs. I like to call it nickel and dime extra work, little things here and there. Yes, the first five minutes feel so calm. Then it hits me, I do in fact have a non typical child. This brings a smile to my face. Ironic huh?

You see the shallow girl of my youth comes back to my mind. The one who judged based on appearances. The one who felt bad for the people who faced adversity in life. The one who was so insecure she did the stupid things because she thought that would be the thing that would fill the hole in her life where the loneliness was.

I think of the times I should have interceded for someone who was being mocked, I think of the times I could have gone and sat with the kid who didn't have someone to sit with. After all wasn't I that kid before? Long before high school. Wasn't I the “chubby” (I hate that phrase by the way) girl in elementary school who was mocked because the only thing that fit well were sweat pants? Indeed I was. So why didn't I see how that hurts and do something?

Fear. What would people say if I tried to stop them from being a jerk to someone? Who would stop liking me?

And this brings me full circle back to the first five minutes, well actually minute 6 and beyond.

God and I have always this great thing worked out where we both know I need to be molded into a new creation, pretty continually but sometimes in a major way. God knows that my skull is thick and I have a stubborn streak. So he has this amazing way of smacking me upside the head and showing me to get down to business.

Minute 6 hits and I hear that sweet boy down the hall from my bed. I hear him yell “Mum!” And I remember the woman who would have and did feel bad for the parent who had the kid with special needs. And I am grateful that is not who I am anymore. Still a work in progress, but not the woman I once was.

Some days are hard. Life gives you a different perspective and you feel the hurts deeper. However, you also feel the happy deeper as well. You notice the injustices in the world more often, they were always there, you just didn't see them. This inspires you to change what you can. What a wonderful thing to be able to leave the world better than the day you found it.

Life is teaching me new thing every day. Every minute sometimes, for that I am grateful.